Using journals kinda goes against a few of my 'morals' but I thought I would try typing one.

.....

People generally say. "your awesome" to me, or something along those lines. I appreciate it, however I can't see why I am so 'awesome'.

I state my mind, I say things to people out right, I can come up with the most random gibberish out there, yet I am still awesome?

I fail to see the awesomeness that surrounds my entity. Is it some magnetic field that draws people closer, or is it that I am always doing something different that people never get bored of my presence.

We are yet to find our purpose in this ever expanding universe of ours, that is if we ever find a purpose worth fulfilling, I have yet to discover my purpose, however I have pondered that... well...  What if our purpose is to find a purpose? If that were so, then theologists who have stated that now have no reason for being. In the words of Aristotle, they
have found their final cause, therefore they are well and truly good. but how
good is something if it can no longer fulfill what it was set out to do.

I have gone off at a tangent here, so back to the matter at hand.

My friends, or those who I consider mine, see me as a jolly person who rambles
and always sees the positive side. In many ways they are correct. I do consider
myself fairly positive, however there are things that I have thought about, for
example, purpose.

what If my purpose is to be the blunt one, who will tell you if she thinks you are
being silly. What would happen If I was no longer here? take that as you will,
but it is a serious matter in my eyes. (again, going off at a tangent) one of the
most scariest things I can think of is being forgotten, or unknown, or simply
known as another kid who does nothing.

There was really no point of this Journal, maybe it was to tell others why I am
who I am? I don't know, but at least I have tried it. and I would have to say,
It was one of the few things (out side of school life) I have felt resentment
against.